On Rebellion, Sacrifice, and Grace

Last night I lay in bed and thought, what the heck am I doing? I am leaving my family, my home, all that I hold dear and starting a new life miles and miles away. And all for what? Is this school really worth giving everything for, or am I about to make a terrible mistake? A deep fear settled upon me and I cried to my Lord but my frail voice seemed to echo back, mockingly. Riding to church this morning I thought, God show yourself to me today because I am in desperate need of your strong presence. Little did I know what was to come. During the service our pastor got up to sing a song with his mother and daughter and I thought, great another poorly sung hymn coming right up. "Be still, my soul! The Lord is on thy side." I couldn't believe my ears, was this the pastor singing or God leaning down and whispering in my ear? I leaned forward, taking in every word. "Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side; Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain; Leave to thy God to or...

Five days of being twenty and I feel...tired. I was so excited to rid myself of the title of "teenager" but now I realize exactly what that entails. I am still ecstatic about life as an adult but it is not what I expected. My first day as an adult I worked twelve hours. That day I realize that though growing up leads to exciting new adventures and new experiences, it also means more responsibility. The days of childish games and idle afternoons are over, the days of hard work and toil have come. I am now responsible to feed, clothe and educate myself. Such a duty terrifies me. Yet... Adult life brings joy immeasurable. The beauty of falling madly in love with a man and entrusting your all to him to care for, for life. The speechless happiness of holding the delicate product of that love in your arms and looking into those little eyes and feeling your heart will burst with joy. The amazing joy of discovering more of the magnificence of your Savior each passing day. Only the pa...

How am I going to survive? How am I going to keep from looking utterly ridicules? How am I going to learn it all? How am I going to keep from snapping? How am I going to keep from growing sick for lack of home? How am I going to keep smiling? How....how am I going to live? Lord give me strength.